UNREQUITED

***Found this post from my hard-drive. Written a few years back. GAWD! Even then, I was such an EMO-freak!***


Last night over a bottle of San Miguel, I said "Goodnight!".

For almost two years, I've dreamed of what it was like to be with you. And in two years of longing, that never materialized. There were little things and other big things that affected what could have been a beautiful relationship but last night when I asked you again if you see a possibility you simply said, "No."

I left before you could see tears flowing from my eyes. I didn't want you to see me weak nor sad. But I was both. Extremely.

I write about you to try and release some of the pain and sadness that I feel now. I'm hoping that with this, I can try and move on. If only to see a glimmer of light in the distance.

I almost forgot how it was to love and not be loved in return. The most cruel kind of love. One I hope that you would never-ever feel in your lifetime. I didn't realize that I'd fall so deep. So deep, I couldn't even see I was drowning. I'm sorry for not believing you the first time you said, you did not want me. I guess chose I not to listen. I pretended not to hear. I should have though, if only to stop this madness from consuming me.

You could not see how sincere I was. How much I wanted to give you everything, not because I could but because you deserve it.

Perhaps I shall dance in the rain again to hide the tears. Perhaps when it stops I will be alright.

Perhaps but not certain.

A few hours ago, I dreamed about you. On the dream, you said you wanted me too. That you loved me as well. I woke up and realized it was all but a dream. And my eyes began to fill with tears.

Last night, you said you're sorry.

Sorry that you could not give me what I wanted.

It was over but I still could not say my goodbye. I couldn't. You're just too damn special.

But today, I must try. If only that I could move on.

So here it is... "Goodnight"

(... which loosely translates to "Goodbye!" I think.)

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo